Whingeing Aussies and the Moral High Ground

Sounds like a band name... Anyway, yes, if there's one thing better than beating than beating the Australians, it's doing so in a way that really pisses them off. Jardine/Larwood, Illingworth/Snow, Brearley/Botham and now Vaughan/Pratt. Fantastic. Now I'm all for fair play (so I'm actually not unreservedly proud of what happened during the Bodyline series, although you have to hand it to old Douglas), but it is quite amusing to hear Ponting invoke the spirit of cricket. Clearly John Buchanan hasn't done "hypocrisy" as one of his words of the day yet. Is old Punter aware that it was his predecessors who first adopted the policy of not walking when they knew they were out? Even if not, then he was part of the team which, under Steve Waugh, took sledging to an extreme (or "mental disintegration", sorry John). And even if his memory is failing him, then I don't think slagging off all and sundry after being run out is really in keeping with the spirit of the game. Jones had his ankle in a brace for Christ's sake. OK, so the whole policy of having bowlers leave the pitch quite frequently is a little dubious, admittedly, but it's not that bad. They only have 8 minutes before they have to be back on again. Do they really gain that much of an advantage? Actually, Harmison might have even reached one catch which just cleared Pratt's head. Oh, and, if memory serves, which it does apparently, the first bowler to make a habit of leaving the pitch after bowling a spell was.... yeah, you guessed it, uber Australian Dennis Lillee, back in 1981, when he used to nip off to change his shirt (and his natty yellow headband, I bet).
Anyway, Ponting is seriously in danger of sounding like I did as an 8 year old whenever my older brother beat me in a game in the garden. I buried my new gloves once, blaming them for my defeat. Why I was wearing gloves, I don't know. We were playing with a tennis ball. I think they were new. Anyway, I was only 8. Ponting is 33 or something. He does look like Dubya doesn't he? Perhaps he shares a mental age. I digress. What I'm trying to say is that Punter and his crew clearly wouldn't be complaining about this nonsense if, as expected by almost everyone (me included, I must admit), they were 3 or 4-0 up at this point. They just can't believe what's happening. Nor can I. Isn't it great?
What is almost as unbelievable is that the Australians could still retain the Ashes if they win at the Oval. How cruel would that be? It wouldn't be much of a victory for them, I don't think, but nevertheless, it would be very annoying. If Jones manages to get fit then I'm not too concerned, because with him our pace quartet look champion (as Boycott might say). Obviously there's a good chance that he get better, because otherwise they wouldn't be bothering to put him in an oxygen tank, with assorted divers (I wonder what they talk about). Still, he must be a doubt, for the same reason, and if he doesn't play then the pressure created by the bowling won't be quite so relentless. Who would replace Jones? Tremlett, almost certainly. Gatting suggested Collingwood, but Gatting only managed to captain an Ashes winning team only because our team and Australia's were both absolutely rubbish at the time, so we can ignore his suggestion. Others have mentioned Caddick. Shiver. Is there anyone the Australians would rather see grimacing at non-existent footholes after he's just bowled another first innings half volley than Andy Caddick? I think not. If the selectors want to pick an old hand for one game only then they could do worse than select Dominic Cork who's doing pretty well this season, and who is always up for the occasion. I'm sure they won't though, and I don't think they should.
As for Australia, well... will they play five bowlers, as suggest by Waugh? Will they drop Hayden, as suggested by Roebuck (who will soon be admitting that he is English after all)? Will Tait be injured (his shoulder is sore)? Could we give a shit? No. The only important question about Australia is whether McGrath is fit or not. If he is, and Jones isn't... mmm... well, let's see. Only a few days to wait now. English boot is on Australian throat. Altogether now... press.